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Shout Out to All The Single Fathers: Mine is Amazing
Single fathers seem invisible.
They exist, and yet, they seemingly don’t. For example, in 2019, there were 6.5 million single father households in the United States, but rarely do you hear them spoken about or represented on screen or in pop culture, especially single Black fathers.
My dad was one.
He had the intermittent help of partners that were surrogate mother figures but primarily took it upon himself to raise my older sister and me.
Beyond the logistical and financial complications of being a single parent, my dad struggled with an aspect that I’m sure any single parent can identify with: how do I provide my children the emotional support/guidance that typically comes from a mother.
My dad has often lamented how much this struggle weighed on him. However, I’m here to affirm and uplift his successful efforts, particularly considering my dad modeled so many great fatherly behaviors without having one in his life. Hopefully, uplifting and detailing his efforts may provide guidance for other single fathers dealing with this challenge.
Physical and Verbal Affection
I have this vague memory of just me and my dad sitting in a movie theater together. I can’t remember any particulars or details. I only remember being around the age of five, and my dad was rubbing my back. What imprinted that moment in my memory is how intensely loved and secure I felt.
Understandably, affection would be considered more of a motherly trait, which makes me all the more appreciative that my dad was so great at providing this for me. He always gave me hugs and forehead kisses. I always knew my dad loved me because he showed it AND told it to me regularly.
I was mostly happy, confident, and ambitious growing up as a child. It would be a shame, and frankly, wrong if I didn’t attribute at least some of this to my father’s parenting. Studies show that physical affection from a parent influences a child to become a happier, more resilient, less anxious adult.
